Thank you

I can never tell you enough how grateful I am to have you in my life. I never cease to be amazed at what a genuinely kind person you are. I am so lucky to have your love and I want you to know that I will always cherish our relationship. I will always strive to make you know that you are loved.
This Christmas was hard in some ways. I want you here. I feel wrong celebrating without you. It has helped alot being able to see you the last few nights. I love that we will see each other in the morning. I am also happy that we will have our own Christmas when you get home. I look forward to many Christmases in our future where we won't have any distance between us.
I want you to know that having you in my life makes me feel less alone. For the first time since my Mom passed away, I feel like I have a family again. That I am part of a family,not the only one responsible for the family unit. For the first time I don't feel the entire weight of responsibility on my shoulders. I trust you.
I have loved seeing you play games with the kids and hang out with them too. We are going to have so much fun. Thank you for understanding them and showing your kindness and love to them too. I will never forget the night of our first "date" when I looked over at you, our eyes met and you smiled at me about them teasing us. I knew then that you could love us. That you did. That you were just enjoying their company. I have never had anyone enjoy them as much as I have.
I am off to bed. I am excited that we are one day closer to the move. Even though I have a list a mile long, I am so happy it is coming so fast.
I love you, Sugar. More today than yesterday. Thank you for loving me. I am enternally grateful. Tonight my tears are of joy. That I have you to love.

Sweets for my Sweety

I love baking at the holidays. I have certain recipes that I always look forward to. Ones that just mean Christmas to my family. Gingersnaps, sugar cookies, these gross snowball things that I only make every couple years to remind myself that they are not my favorite.

Today Jack and Annabelle helped me make some cookies to send to you. Unfortunately they were a little bit too much help. Belly spilled the flour and I had to guess how much to add to the gingersnap dough. They are a little too flat. They taste...ok. But not good enough for me to share with you. The Christmas tree cookies were good. Too good. We ate them all. So much for Weight Watchers today. It was all downhill for me after that chocolate milk. Five points! Yikes!

So, I will remake the Christmas trees. They are super fast, and super yummy. They aren't too sweet so I think you will like them.

I look forward to learning everything that the holidays mean for you and blending our traditions. I can't wait to be able to wake up on Christmas with you and see your excitement at your gifts. That is, if you have been a good girl :)

I love you! XOXOXO

10 things you may not know about me

1* Mandy and I used to gallop around the back yard pretending to be horses.

2* I hate sock donuts (I think we have covered this, but it is important).

3* My favorite teachers were my math teachers. And my 4th grade teacher, Miss Summers. She seemed serious about teaching us things. And she had us write her weekly letters.

4* I never drank when I was in high school. Even when I was in situations where I could have. Still not too much of a drinker.

5* I'm allergic to sulfa drugs, they make me swell.

6* My first car was a 1980 Mustang. It had a sunroof and I loved it.

7* I loved playing dolls almost everyday as a child. We would cook for them in our play kitchen, tie up little clotheslines between 2 chairs, and I was always the mom. Mandy could be the dad, or the dog. Not the mom.

8* I am scared of aliens and try not to think about their existence.

9* My second toenail on my left foot is weird. I hurt it as a kid on a merry-go-round. It has never been the same.

10* I wish I could take better pictures/look better in them. I look forward to this happening with you. Although, I don't think we are off to a great start! I want to have a photograph of every moment that we share together. They are all so precious to me.

I love you honey! I wish I could convey to you how much you are on my mind. And you are always in my heart.
XOXO

I get really jazzed about snowmen(and women)

picture coming as soon as my scanner decides to cooperate


While I was driving E to school today I saw the best snowman ever! Well, maybe not ever, but I was darn impressed. He even had a corncob pipe.
I love snowmen. They make me happy. I like the fun of making one, the joy of finding one, and the happiness they represent. Just good family fun for someone. They don't cost anything other than some time and exposure to the frigid cold.
The year before last, I gave Mandy's family a snowman-making kit for Christmas. It had an extravagant snowman pop-up book ( I knew she would keep it safe from little ripping hands), all the parts including sticks for arms to build a snowman spur-of-the-moment. Even a fake carrot nose and coal eyes. And what well-made snowman would be complete without a top hat and scarf? I bundled it all into a snowman bag so that they will always be able to go right to it and go play. I think I might have put in some hot chocolate also.
I have made many snowmen in my day. The one in this picture I made with my Mom. Emily was 3 or 4. Matthew was too little to really be out with us. It was BIG! I remember we had a heck of a time getting the middle part on top of the bottom. I can't remember if we had to build a snow ramp to roll it up or if we levered it up with a shovel. I remember it was a pain. Heavy snow. And lots of it. After we got it done, we took pictures of all of us around it. Then someone, probably me, decided we needed to make a sign saying "hi" to my sister and her kids in NY. So then we held up the sign and took pictures of us waving to them. We mailed it with a little cabin fever package. Coloring books and things like that.
Another snowman that I distinctly remember, I made alone. Well, not alone. I think I was pregnant with Matthew and Emily was out with me, but she was too little to help. I made the Statue of Liberty. I even went in and made a torch out of art supplies for her hand. For the crown spikes I broke off icicles and put them on the top. I filled a water bottle with colored water and sprayed her a greenish blue color. She was pretty cool.
I can not wait to have you here so we can build snow people together. Or snow creatures. Like cats? Or now that the kids are getting bigger and might not have that much interest in playing like that we might have to make some gruesome snowmen Calvin & Hobbes style. Those crack me up too. Where he would build them to look like his Dad hit one with the car. I think we need to do some recreations of those. Or we could make cats. Or a sunbathing lady. Complete with sunglasses.
I haven't been sledding in years, but there is a good hill for it here. I took the kids once and Matthew was still scared to go down by himself so he was riding with me. He was plenty old enough to go alone. So, once, when he thought I was going to get on behind him; I just pushed him down solo. He looked back at me with giant eyes, but then he loved it. He was the last one that wanted to go home. If I wouldn't have done that, he would be still riding with me probably.
I am looking forward to so much fun with you. I hope that these next 37-ish days fly by so that then we can get you here and can start all of the fun! Imagine how great you will look building snow-things in your beautiful,warm scarf all full of love!
I love you baby!

I'm a knitter!

I have been working on my knitting today. I chickened out of making the fancier scarf. I am messing up the transition between the stitches. I need help from a professional knitter.
But, I must say that the part that I do have done is quite impressive. My hand is crampy, but not in a bad way. I might do dishes to soak it in some hot water. That would feel like heaven.

I am crafty

I had so much fun on Tuesday looking at all of the fun craft books at Borders. I looked at knitting books, sewing books, and just general use-what-you-have-on-hand craft books. I wanted to buy them all! I love doing things like that. I have since I was a little girl. We were always working on some project or another. And we had tons of paints, felt scraps, sequins and bottles of glue to support our love affair. When my kids were little, we had entire kitchen cabinets dedicated to craft supplies that they could use as they wanted.

This one book that I looked at, Crafternoon, cracked me up. I want it. It is about doing a craft day with your friends. The introduction to it is dedicated to her mom. It is so funny (and touching) the way she writes it. You can tell that she truly loves her mom and the times they had as children and are still having today. She is about our age, I think. I hope that my kids grow up and think of me like this. I love her blog too. The pictures are fun. I would love to have a life of crafting, hanging out with friends, writing about it, and getting paid. How sweet would that be?

I can't wait to start knitting. Hopefully I can figure out the basics this weekend. I can easily see myself becoming nuts about it. And seriously, with all the time I have at work, it is perfect to be working on things like that. I guess in that sense I will be getting paid to do some crafting! And with Laura being able to mentor me it will be even more fun. I may reawaken her knitting persona! I know there are two little stores in town that have yarn to buy. Some of it is even organic. I've even seen bamboo yarn! How exciting is that???!
Plus I have the other Christmas presents I want to make on my to-do list. Aprons and either potholders or towels to match. Only a few (3?) are getting those.

And I want to go in the basement and rearrange all of my paper. I love just moving it from pile to pile. Touching it makes me happy. I don't think you can truly understand how hard it is for me to actually use that paper! What if I want it later for a different page? What if I can't get anymore of it? I need to break out of that way of thinking because it does truly make me happy to see it on actual finished pages! What good is a pile of vintage paper going to do for my ancestors if there are no pictures and words on it? I could probably finish 5+ albums with just what I already have. It is not uncommon in the scrapbooking world to hoard supplies and to overbuy. I can say that I will try not to do that, but when I have extra money I always tend to make a trip to the Scrapbook store. There is one in Bloomington that I am wanting to take a class at. It is so much nicer than Scrapadoodle. Well, at least more my style. And there are tons of challenge sites that are fun to play with. I need to get back to how it was last winter and dedicate at least an hour an evening to my basement studio and just play. I feel so much better when I do. I don't even care if I finish anything, just making that time makes me happy.

I can't wait until you are here and can hopefully find some pleasure in the basement also. I really think those artist trading cards sound right up your alley! I love that you have a creative brain also. I look forward to seeing the things that you share with me! We are going to have so much fun! I hope you don't mind wearing the first thing I knit! I promise an upgrade after I get the hang of it, but regardless, it will be made with so much love!

When I grow up...

I have been thinking about what I want to be when I grow up. I feel in many ways like it is way past time for me to have this figured out. I had so much potential coming out of high school and I let all of that go. No excuse, really. And don't get me wrong, raising the children to be as great as they are has been a labor of love. I couldn't think of a better career besides Super Mom. I've just been feeling like there is so much that I could do that would be a benefit to other people.
I do not want to work hard. That is no secret. I hate schedules, having to be somewhere at a certain time to make a profit for someone else. Not my style. I don't play into the whole "work drama" environment, tending to mind my own business. Some people would say that I am snobby, I choose selective.
Some things that I think I would like to do:
Foster parent. I probably could not stay home and do this as a career. It would be another labor of love, but I would like to take this on at some point in our lives. I think that we would make a great spot for kids to blossom. Especially those that need a little extra tending. I am very accepting of people's issues and I think we could make a difference for these "left-behind" children.
Children's book author. You seem to think that this would be something I could do. Now that I have found the rhyming dictionary, maybe it is possible. It would be a job that I could do at home in my pajamas...or not in my pajamas:) It is a very tough area to succeed in, but goodness knows that I have read a ton of bad books that have still been published. Maybe something to try? I'll try to come up with a good topic.
Hospice worker. Sometimes I feel pulled to work with the dying. I would hope that I could ease this transition for people and help them feel less fear. I wonder if I could help them be less scared of something that I myself am so terrified of. But, I know that I can send a certain peacefulness out of my self that people find comfort in. I could help them with scrapbooks and things to make them feel remembered. I need to sign up to do some volunteer work in this field, who knows what it will lead to.
Teacher. Of course this is what I was pursuing my degree in. I don't have that much interest in being a teacher. I never would have gone for it if I didn't have my children. I would have pursued something in psychology or politics/law. I would have fun being a jr. high math teacher. But I would also work well with autistic students. I don't know if I would want to get my special ed degree though, I have zero desire to work with behavior disorder children (translation = children of behavior disorder parents, for I don't believe much of a child's behavior is their own when they are young).
Sex boutique owner. We have talked about this. Having a classy place for people to learn, explore, and express their sensual side. There is so much oppourtunity in this area, but we know that nothing like what I dream of would ever work around this area. People are too close-minded, too judgemental. Still, maybe someday?
Best partner EVER. My most important goal is to be the best partner you have ever had. I want you to always know that you can count on me for anything. I want to be the reason for your smiles and I will never stop spoiling you! I am crazy about you and look forward to a bright bright future by your side!
I LOVE YOU!! xoxo

Baby me!

I am so excited to think of a future family with you! I imagine seeing you holding our child and seeing the love in your eyes. I want to see the delight in every new thing we teach the baby. I want to see the tenderness that you kiss owies with. I want to hear you sing lullabies,the voices you use to read bedtime stories with.
It will be something new for me to share the joy of a child with a partner that finds the same happiness in them. Our home will be so full of love that our babies will grow up so confident and sure. They will be so smart!

Just for laughs, I thought I would add this picture of me when I was 10. Can you believe how long my legs are?

Vintage spooky

So, when Mandy asked me why I like Halloween so much my first response was "Because I am a witch". We were always raised that way. I got my first stitches, my only stitches, because my Mom had turned us into frogs. We always were a witchy family. That is why the idea of Valerie having her chrystals and things makes so much more sense to me than Mandy going to her Bible study.

I have spent some time thinking about what Halloween was like when I was a kid. We trick-or-treated around our small neighborhood. It was spooky because it was so dark. The sidwalks were all bumpy and uneven. It seems like there was always a big Halloween moon and wind howling.
We carved pumpkins every year. In fact, this is the first year we haven't. It made me sad, but time just got away from us. At my Mom's the pumpkins always went in the dining room window. It was a big bay window. We would go outside and ooh and aah over them all lit up after we carved them.
We had some decorations that we would put up every year. What I remember the most are two cardboard cut outs of a vampire man and woman. They were jointed and we would rearrange them in different poses. Of course there were pumpkins everywhere too. And ghosts.

I have always loved taking my kids out to get their treats. Hearing everyone gush over their costumes. I must admit, I sewed them more for me than for them. I didn't always sew them, sometimes we pieced them together from clothes we had around. It's always been something I have enjoyed though.
It was nice taking Mandy's kids out this year. The weather was perfect and they were so excited. Julianna really liked ringing the doorbells. And Jack was too little to argue with her about him getting a turn. He was just overwhelmed that every time they would add more and more candy! Annabelle was excited too. I forgot to tell you about the house that had two little yorkie dogs. Jack and Annabelle thought they were the cutest things they had ever seen. They squealed at them running around so tiny. The people acted like they were going to put the dog in Jack's pumpkin. He thought it was hilarious. Then, there was another dog on the sidewalk. It was one of the ones that has really long legs and long hair, white. I don't know what kind it is...an Afghan? They liked her too.
I look forward to dressing up with you in the future. Maybe we should host a party ourselves next year? We could plan ahead and make some really super costumes, invitations and decorations.... *fun*

Perhaps Strength Doesn't Reside
In Having Never Been Broken
...But In The Courage Required
To Grow Strong In The Broken Places

Seeing these words at the airport on my way home from my visit really gave me something to think about on the flight. Several times I have opened my diary, the one you gave me :), to read them again. I shared them last night at my book club meeting and earlier this week with Emily as well.

I think that at this time last year I felt very broken. Nothing to do but dwell on how things were not. This continued for some time. I would act ok. Meaning I went through the motions of my daily life. But inside I wasn't happy at all. I have told people that I felt like my bones were made of glass and I was completely shattered inside. Everything I did throughout the day made millions of shards poke me and remind me of the pain I felt every moment. Causing injuries that were only visible to me.

So many hard days. Even harder nights. But I realized that for every tough minute, every tear, I was growing stronger. And soon a peace came over me. An acceptance of the spot that I was in. I realized that I did not want to be in a relationship with someone that did not value me. I discovered my self worth. And in that discovery I found happiness.

Real, true life happiness. Everything was better. I felt like I was floating. Life was smooth sailing. There would be times that I would be lonely, but it really didn't last long. I was at a good spot. Even though I still felt like there was a place for love in my life, I knew that it wouldn't be anything that I could force.

So many of our first conversations were about our broken hearts. Wondering why people didn't love each other, why the little things that matter the most were the first to drop off in relationships. Neither of us felt like it had to be that way. It is exactly all the little things that make life full. Not the fancy birthday presents or expensive anniversary dinners. No sparkly jewelry will ever shine as brightly as your letters to me. I value all the things you give to me that money can't buy.

As my feelings for you grew stronger, taking me by surprise, I initially felt fear. Not exclusively, of course. I was full of excitement at getting to know you. Thrilled to discover the wonderful person that you are. Amazed that there wasn't that pesky little voice inside telling me to be cautious. Especially after being hurt so bad, I was still brave enough to fall in love with you.

I think that both of us will find peace in our love for each other. I have never felt so solid and sure of my feelings. I have never felt so safe and so loved. I will strive everyday to make you feel the same way. I want to be all that you will ever need. I want to help you grow strong in your broken places, as you have helped to heal mine. I want to always stand by your side, facing life together with you. You are my Love.
Always and forever.

My little Charlie

In case you wondered how well I do with cats, this should reassure you. We are very adaptable. And even though there are a few of them that will move in with you, and each of them has their own quirks, I want you to know that they will soon be a big part of our family too.

Your words to me, my words to you

I am so happy that we get to talk! Man, am I sneaky!

Bored at work

I am sitting here at work. Bored. It has been a slow day. Which is nice.
I have cut out Annabelle's pattern. Not really in the mood for reading. I have played way too much Super Collapse, my hand hurts now. I didn't take my pills last night since it was so late. That is probably not helping my hand feeling so stiff.
I miss being able to text you.
I miss being with you. I have sat here thinking of what we were doing last Sunday at this time. My time with you was so much fun. I can not wait until that is our everyday. I love every minute I get with you. How are we going to have real jobs and be apart for hours? We need to come up with something. I keep thinking about how my Dr. told me when Emily was born that if I wanted to stay home bad enough I would find a way to work it out. I feel like that again. And I am trying to think of something that would work out. Maybe? Of course I wouldn't want you to get sick of me though.
So, even though I can't chat at you all day long, I wanted you to know you are on my mind as always.
xoxo

Take 2?

I don't know if this will work?

If not, then I give up. I have spent nearly an hour on the slideshow. I was supposed to be mopping. It wasn't too hard to delay that, but it is so frustrating that even after making a completely new slideshow from scratch the same slideshow as before showed up!
I was just going to share two of the things that made me happy when I came home. Evidence of happy kids playing and an explosion of flowers in the front yard. I have alot to do today. Laundry, mopping, sweeping, picking up the kids and dinner out with them. I want you to know you are on my mind and I am so excited to see you. My heart aches that we haven't talked yet today. I <3 you!

oops! What happened here?

Um, someone is going to be mad that they got the slideshow that I made for you. It seems like they spent alot of time on this one. They have a cute dog! :)

I don't have a cutesy picture to put on here, since we have failed to take any so far for my entire visit, but I wanted you to know that this week has been truly amazing for me. I can not imagine feeling as loved as I have this week every day for the rest of the days of my life. You are amazing. Which does not even give justice to the beautiful person that you are. I feel so inadequate when I try to tell you how I feel. When I try to convey the depths of my emotions for you.
I love that we can lay in bed and talk together the same way that we do on the phone. Real heartfelt conversations. I love that for the last few days when I look up with a smile on my face, you are there to see it. I love looking at your eyes when someone says something outlandish and knowing that we will giggle about it later. I love the feel of your hand in mine. I love being spoiled by you, but what I love even more is when you tell me that I spoil you!
There aren't words to say how I have appreciated this time that we have shared. I am overcome with how grateful I am to have had days and days of just loving you. No real schedules. Late mornings :) and snuggled in evenings of wine and pool. These days have been priceless to me. All I ever want, all I ever need, is time with you and your words to be the happiest woman in the world. Thank you so much for loving me the way you do. I am yours, forever and always.

So while I might not have a cutesy picture for you, I want you to close your eyes and picture me catching the cheesecake and I want you to get the giggles so bad that you wake up Mr. B. And I want you to know that leaving you tomorrow will be one of the hardest things I ever do. I still don't know how I am expected to walk away from you. At least I can just count the days now and not the months. xoxoxo

You'll have to get used to things like this!

This is the dino that we hide around the house. He most recently surprised me last week in the rice cooker. No one else took credit for putting him there so it must have been me once upon a time. I crack myself up!!
Tuesday morning when I was baking my birthday cake, I discovered him lurking in the cabinet trapped under this glass. It made me lol.
I hope that when you get here you will join in our fun. We originally had three of them. One I gave away and the other is m.i.a. It will be freaking hilarious when we find him. This one is missing his hands, and his eyeballs were painted all lopsided by a young Chinese kid, so it may be time for his retirement. I would love to pick out something new with you to begin hiding around the house. Those homies out of the gumball machines could be very tricky. They are little!
Have I told you lately that I can not wait for you to get here????!?

Turns out I was more sweet than dorky

Thoughts about birthdays

I want to thank you for making my birthday so wonderful yesterday. As you know, I have had a hard time with birthdays since my Mom died. I can't help feeling like no one really cares about the day that I was born. So I force my friends to worship me by bribing them with wonderful food.

It was a nice day yesterday. I loved spending the morning with you talking and having coffee. I can not wait until we get to do stuff like that together. I appreciate the presents you gave me. It makes me feel so special to know that everything in that package was selected with care for me. I loved all of it and I am very serious about turning the black rock into a necklace. You amaze me everyday with your love. I admit that, at times, I don't feel worthy.

I want to share some things from birthdays past.

This picture is from my first birthday. Of course I don't remember it, but seeing that picture makes me wonder so much what my Mom was thinking. She was 36 when I was born. My sisters were so far past the baby stage that I think maybe she was able to enjoy my baby-ness in a way that she couldn't when they were infants. I feel like every snuggle and coo had to have been cherished. I was her baby. I can just feel the protection even now of her hand on my knee as I reach for the candle.


Then I turn three. I have a good feeling that my second birthday was lost in the chaos of Mandy being born on September 1st. You can see her in this picture behind me in the high chair, just over a year old. We had some books full of cut-out cakes. Before our birthdays Mom would sit us down and flip through them and let us pick out which design we wanted that year. I have those books now and continued that tradition with my kids when they were young. I love that she took the time to make our cakes with love. In this picture I am sitting at the kitchen table. It was really a bar-type thing that separated the kitchen and dining room. We ate dinner there every night. The light that hung over it was bought with green stamps. At different times I loved it and abhorred it. We'll just say it was very...unique. In later years we had some light up M&M Christmas-type lights that my Mom would string up over the table and we would hang balloons down from there. Simple things. Balloons that take 2 minutes to put up, but they made you feel like a star.



My fourth birthday is the one that made me feel like a celebrity. I can not remember a more beautiful cake. That yellow butterfly with its candy accents is forever burned in my memory. My Mom put curlers in my hair for the afternoon, my hair was still so thin and baby like that I don't think I ended up with any real curl, but talk about feeling glamorous! I glowed. We were even celebrating at the dining room table with a tablecloth! This only happened on holidays. The rest of the story I don't remember. My Mom told me later how mad she was. Valerie and Stephanie had to come home from Macomb, where they were in college, for the festivities. I guess that they had car trouble on the way home and my Dad had to go pick them up. It was super late by the time they got back so that I could open presents and have cake. That is why we are in our robes and ready for bed. Even though they were so far away, and I am sure busy with their own things, they were still required to come home for my day.

I look forward to the future we will share together. I can not wait to make you feel like a spoiled princess on your birthdays. I want to wait on you hand and foot and give you your fill of your most favorite things. I want you to know that with every year that passes I will love you more and more.

I confess my secret love

I LOVE Conan unbelievable amounts. When we go to New York lets look him up. I would be in heaven eating bagels and having coffee with him. I am not responsible for anything spontaneously coming out of your orifices.

This is a little embarrassing

I want you to know how much I love our conversations. I like that I can tell you everything and even though sometimes you make me talk about things I would rather not, I appreciate that I can be honest with you and it won't change how you feel about me. I feel safe to just be myself. Something that I thought I would never be brave enough to do again. I am serious about still wanting to talk on the phone sometimes even after you live here. I don't want to lose that time that we spend on the phone. I don't want to all of a sudden stay up late watching stupid talk shows on tv when there is still so much that we don't know about each other. I never want to fall asleep without telling you goodnight and that I love you. It will just be nice when that can come after some loving and be followed by a kiss and a snuggle into your arms. xoxoxoxo

**only 11 more days!!!!

45% of the 34%

This is just a small hint of what I did to myself today. You get all of it when I get there. Just for you! The freckle is on the side by my belly. I love that freckle because it told me how to put my undapants on right when I was a wee little girl. I matched the tag up to my spot.

I am thinking that this will make you smile. I get a kick out of it!

I need to let you know some things.

These are some of the references that come up in our conversations and jokes. I thought it was best to prepare you.




This one comes up alot.




Beware the milky pirate!!

I hear it's your birthday! Well, happy birthday to ya!

I wish I could be there to wake you up with kisses and coffee and birthday muffins, complete with a candle!

I want you to know that this is the last birthday we spend apart. In the future I would love to always plan a get-a-way for the time between our birthdays. Whether it be for the weekend, the week, or the entire 13 days. I don't want gifts. I just want time with you. That is the most valuable thing to me!

I am going to tackle you right here.

In front of God and everybody I am going to run into your arms and kiss your sweet, sweet face. I hope you are ready for me!!! 23 more days!

Can you spot the non-words?

I can not wait until you are here so I can beat you at Scrabble! But, I know that you are so smart and will give me a run for my money. I look forward to so many fun nights with you and the kids, just hanging out. Playing games or watching movies (you will teach us alot of classics).

I missed you tonight...

I miss you every night, but I so wish you were here to hang out with us tonight. It was just a fun night and I would have loved to be able to be smiling at you. Soon we will laugh and smile together.

A bunch of flowers for my Love!

These are the flowers that I planted in late May. I think right before Memorial Day. It seems a lifetime ago since it was before we were talking. You came into my life so unexpectedly and you fit with me so well that it is hard for me to remember a time that I did not know you. Thank you for being so amazing. I can not wait to share everyday things like this with you! I wish you were here to see them in the bedroom.

You say to-may-toe, I say to-mah-toe

I wish I could share these wonderful juicy tomatoes with you. They are so fresh and lovely. They make me wonder so many things. Do you like them better cold from the fridge or room temperature? I want to sit outside, watch the sunset, giggle and eat them with you.

This spot makes me feel happy sadness.

The spot of our last kiss. It makes me sad since it was where we had our last embrace, but happy because I got to have those days with you to discover how wonderful you are. I love you! xoxoxoxo