Perhaps Strength Doesn't Reside
In Having Never Been Broken
...But In The Courage Required
To Grow Strong In The Broken Places

Seeing these words at the airport on my way home from my visit really gave me something to think about on the flight. Several times I have opened my diary, the one you gave me :), to read them again. I shared them last night at my book club meeting and earlier this week with Emily as well.

I think that at this time last year I felt very broken. Nothing to do but dwell on how things were not. This continued for some time. I would act ok. Meaning I went through the motions of my daily life. But inside I wasn't happy at all. I have told people that I felt like my bones were made of glass and I was completely shattered inside. Everything I did throughout the day made millions of shards poke me and remind me of the pain I felt every moment. Causing injuries that were only visible to me.

So many hard days. Even harder nights. But I realized that for every tough minute, every tear, I was growing stronger. And soon a peace came over me. An acceptance of the spot that I was in. I realized that I did not want to be in a relationship with someone that did not value me. I discovered my self worth. And in that discovery I found happiness.

Real, true life happiness. Everything was better. I felt like I was floating. Life was smooth sailing. There would be times that I would be lonely, but it really didn't last long. I was at a good spot. Even though I still felt like there was a place for love in my life, I knew that it wouldn't be anything that I could force.

So many of our first conversations were about our broken hearts. Wondering why people didn't love each other, why the little things that matter the most were the first to drop off in relationships. Neither of us felt like it had to be that way. It is exactly all the little things that make life full. Not the fancy birthday presents or expensive anniversary dinners. No sparkly jewelry will ever shine as brightly as your letters to me. I value all the things you give to me that money can't buy.

As my feelings for you grew stronger, taking me by surprise, I initially felt fear. Not exclusively, of course. I was full of excitement at getting to know you. Thrilled to discover the wonderful person that you are. Amazed that there wasn't that pesky little voice inside telling me to be cautious. Especially after being hurt so bad, I was still brave enough to fall in love with you.

I think that both of us will find peace in our love for each other. I have never felt so solid and sure of my feelings. I have never felt so safe and so loved. I will strive everyday to make you feel the same way. I want to be all that you will ever need. I want to help you grow strong in your broken places, as you have helped to heal mine. I want to always stand by your side, facing life together with you. You are my Love.
Always and forever.